Friends - [2x04] - The One with Phoebe's Husband

The One with Phoebe's Husband [2.04]

Phoebe: I wasn't in love with him, and I was just helping out a friend.
Monica: Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for a month! And I saw you eat a cheeseburger!
[everyone gasps and turns to Pheobe]
Monica: Well? Didn't you?
Phoebe: I might've...
Monica: I can't believe you didn't tell me.
Phoebe: Oh, come on, like you tell me everything?
Monica: What have I not told you?
Phoebe[smiling] Oh, I dunno, um, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace!
Monica: WHAT?! Wait a minute! Who told you?!
[everyone's gasped and is running for the window except Chandler. Monica turns to him]:
Monica: You are dead meat.
Chandler: I didn't know it was a big secret.
Monica[smiles] Oh, it's not big. Not at all. Kinda on the same lines as, say, I don't know, having a third nipple!
[everyone gasps from the window before coming to rush around Chandler]:
Phoebe: You have a third nipple?!
Chandler[to Monica] You bitch!
Ross: Whip it out, whip it out!
Chandler: Come on, there's nothing to see! It's just a tiny bump. It's totally useless!
Rachel: Oh, as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?
Joey: I can't believe you! You told me it was a nubbin!
Ross: Joey, what'd you think a nubbin was?
Joey: I dunno, you see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was. Let me see it again!
Everyone: Lemme see it! Show us! I wanna see! Show us your nubbin!
Chandler[over everyone else] No! Forget it! NO! JOEY WAS IN A PORNO MOVIE!
[Everyone gasps including Joey, angrily pointing at Chandler]
Chandler: If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me!
Everyone: Oh, my GOD! You were in a porno movie?! What?!
Joey: Alright, alright, alright. I was young, and I just wanted a job, okay? But at the last minute, I couldn't go through with it. So they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't, 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
Everyone: Wow! Whoa!
Monica: That is WILD!
[Everyone immediately turns back to Chandler and his third nipple.]
Ross: So what's it shaped like?
Phoebe: Yeah, is there a hair on it?
Joey: What happens if you flick it?

[Everyone is watching Joey's porno movie.]
Julie: So is there, like, a story, or do they just start doing it right... oh, never mind.
Chandler: Okay, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
Monica: All I say is, she better get the job.
Ross: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.

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