Friends - [9x14] - The One with the Blind Dates

The One with the Blind Dates [9.14][edit]

Chandler: Today is the 6th.
Monica: No. [Shows Chandler a calendar]
Chandler: Yes. It's also 2003.
Monica: That means I may be done ovulating! I may also have served some very questionable meat at the restaurant!

Monica: [On the phone with Rachel, panicking because Emma's missing] Hey, Rach, by any chance, did you come by here and pick Emma up?
Rachel: No, why?
Monica: Oh, my...! Then that means...[Just then, Joey comes in the door holding Emma] Oh, Emma! Thank God! There you are!
Rachel: [Worried] Wha-what do you mean "There you are"?! Where was she?!
Monica: [Forgetting Rachel was still on the phone] Oh, uh, we were just playing peek-a-boo. She loves it when I'm dramatic. [Quickly hangs up]
Monica: [To Joey] Why the hell did you take her?!
Joey: Because you two were having [Whispers last word so Emma doesn't hear] sex!
Monica: No, we weren't.
Joey: Don't you lie to me. I can tell by Chandler's hair. [To Chandler] You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
Chandler: [Embarrassed, tries to fix his messy hair] All right, we were! We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
Joey: Which is more than I can say for myself as of 2:00 today. [He and Chandler laugh, and Joey indicates that he peed on Monica's ovulation sticks]
Monica: You guys! Seriously, those sticks are expensive!
Joey: Hey, it is unacceptable that you'd have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
Monica and Chandler: No, no! Please don't. She'll kill us.
Joey: Hey, I gotta. Unless...
Chandler: Unless what?
Joey: Unless you name your first-born child Joey.
Chandler: What? Why?
Joey: Hey, I may never have kids. And someone has to carry on my family name.
Chandler: Your family name is Tribbiani.
Joey: [Thinks this over for a few seconds] Oh-ho, you almost had me. [He leaves, and Chandler covers his face with his hands at the sheer ignorance of Joey]

Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
Joey: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: How - how do I get them to name the next one after me?
Joey: It's easy, you just walk in on them having sex.
Phoebe: Oh, so they owe me like, three Phoebes. (Phoebe sees Rachel and Ross through the window.) Oh my god! Look, it's Ross and Rachel. Oh, the plan is working. (Joey does the "plan-laugh.") Don't, don't do the plan-laugh.

Ross: The first date we've had in months, and they were both such disasters.
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
Ross: Wait a minute; you don't think it was intentional? I mean, that's just stupid.

Joey: We're geniuses! Yeah, look at them, look at them, they're really bonding.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, they're falling in love all over again. (Rachel and Ross turn around and look at Phoebe and Joey with puzzled expressions on their faces.) Oh, they see us! Oh, they, they look mad. Oh, they figured it out. They're coming this way. Run!
Joey: Where?
Phoebe: Mexico!
[They run down the street with Ross and Rachel following right behind them.]

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