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Friends - [9x21] - The One with the Fertility Test


The One with the Fertility Test [9.21][edit]

[Phoebe is about to give Rachel a massage]
Phoebe[in a fake Swedish accent] Hello, ya! It's time for your massage, ya! Put your face in the hole!
Rachel: Oh, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person!
Phoebe: Then I'm Swedish!
Rachel: What's your name?
Phoebe: A normal Swedish name...Ikea.
Rachel: What an interesting name. You know, I...
Phoebe[interrupts her and pushes her head down] Time for your scalp massage!
Rachel[sees Phoebe's shoes through the hole] Wow! I really love- [gasps loudly]
Phoebe: Is something wrong?
Rachel: No, it just...feels so good...Ikea! You'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden?
PhoebeStockholm.
Rachel[to herself] Damn, I wish I knew if that was right!

Phoebe[singing] Ipan stripan glupi glapi! And that's the Swedish National Anthem, thank you for asking!
Rachel: Wow, what a rich culture! You know, I have a friend who's a masseuse!
Phoebe: Oh, ya!
Rachel: She's not very good, though!
Phoebe: And why do you think that is?
Rachel: I don't know! Maybe because she's got callousy fingers from playing a crummy guitar!
Phoebe: Or maybe she has trouble loosening your knots because you're such a high-maintenance tight-ass!
Rachel[turns up] PHOEBE!!
Phoebe: You know it's me?
Rachel: For a half-hour! Man, you can lie about Sweden!
Phoebe: How can you come here?
Rachel: How can you not tell me you work here?
Phoebe: I don't have to tell you everything!
Rachel: Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage!
Phoebe: Tips not included.
Rachel: Why did you lie to me about working here?
Phoebe: I was ashamed! I sold out for the cash! They give me benefits like medical and dental and a 401! But you pay a price! Now I'm this corporate stooge, punching a clock, and paying taxes!
Rachel: If you hate it, you should walk out there and quit! Be true to what you believe in! You have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!
Phoebe: You're right, I am going to quit! It's time I took my life back!
Rachel: Good for you, Pheebs!
[Phoebe leaves the room, then looks up at the ceiling and whispers]
Phoebe: If you guys had microphones in there, I didn't mean that! I love you!

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